life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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