called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
