I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
