i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
