We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
