rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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