The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
