A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
