Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
