Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
