HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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