Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
