I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
