I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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