Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
