Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
