She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
