i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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