One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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