i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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