didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
