Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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