ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
