Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
