doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
