I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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