i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
