If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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