I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
