I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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