We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
