No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
