woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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