I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
