By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
