The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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