im drinking this country out of the recession.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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