During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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