I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
