We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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