My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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