how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
