Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
