so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
