I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
