I looked at my own cervix.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
