I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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