you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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