Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
