Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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