After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
