Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
