Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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